Alone doesn’t have to mean lonely Published Dec. 18, 2006 By Maj. Darrick Cunningham Life Skills Support Center POPE AIR FORCE BASE, N.C. -- One thing to remember: There is no cure-all for the holiday blues; however it is important for you to understand that the only person in charge of how you "feel" is you. It is not in your best interest to allow initial automatic negative thoughts to color how you feel. Understand the difference between the holiday blues and holiday stress. Holiday blues are feelings of loss or sadness because you can't be with people who are special to you. Holiday stress is often caused because you believe you need to be with some of those people. Feeling down is not all bad. It allows you to see that something in your life is not working. If you listen to your depression, it may help you make changes in your life. Embracing the "blues" in a positive way is a good thing. No one wants to be alone during the holidays. And although you may not be in a position to do anything about being with the one you would rather be with, you can do something to help yourself focus on making yourself "merry" during the holidays. A holiday alone does not have to be the end of the world. Here are a few suggestions to help you dodge the perils of solitude and radiate holiday cheer. Limit your alcohol intake. If you are already feeling down, alcohol depletes the brain of serotonin, a chemical it needs to maintain normal mood. Alcohol is a depressant. The holiday season is one of the most dangerous times of the year for alcohol-related accidents and death. Alcohol is not a necessary ingredient for holiday cheer! If you or your friends are going to a party and plan to use alcohol, decide in advance who will be the designated driver. Decide that drinking and driving is not an option. Give to those less fortunate. Gather toys from friends and store donations and give to children who would not otherwise have toys. Donate clothing, too. You can find these children through schools, churches and various other organizations. Donate to the U.S. Marine Toys for Tots Foundation. Exercise and keep those endorphins pumping. If you have a tendency to avoid your feelings of loneliness by sleeping too much, get out and exercise. It not only allows you to sleep better, it also makes you more alert and efficient during the day. Deck the halls. Decorate your house or apartment with lots of holiday lights! Choose your visitors wisely. If visits from certain people during the holidays in the past have affected you in a negative way, it's time to assert yourself. Let them know that "This is not a good time for me to have guests," or "I have other plans this year, but thanks for asking." You do not have to make excuses or defend yourself. They may expect you to give an excuse, but you don't have to do it. Make your own choices. Assert your right to say, "No, and thanks for asking." Practice gratitude. Be thankful for all the things you do have and avoid focusing on what you lack. Count your blessings. Make a list. When you really look, you can find many positive things to focus on. "Pity parties" are out. Create atmosphere of giving. If you have children or loved ones who come to visit, do your best to create an atmosphere that focuses on "doing" rather than "having." Wear a Santa hat or some other festive, playful gear. Plan lots of holiday activities together; bake some cookies together; read a story aloud; make your own holiday decorations; give homemade gifts. Visit a nursing home. Boost the spirits of some lonely old folks. Be there for them with a listening ear and arms that embrace. You think you're lonely? Volunteer. Statistics show that many elderly people are often forgotten during the holidays. Your visit will always be appreciated. Give them a small homemade gift or a holiday card. Spread some holiday cheer. Treat yourself to a pre-holiday pampering. Play a round of golf. Schedule a full-body massage. Do something special for YOU! Find humor. Can't find any humor in the holidaze? Do something to make yourself laugh. Be proactive. Call up other people who might be on their own and arrange a holiday dinner, agreeing to split the meal preparation duties. Don't assume that everyone you know will be busy throughout the holidays. Even if they have family commitments, they still might welcome the opportunity to escape to spend some time with you. Single parent? You may be facing an upcoming holiday during which you will be alone. Most parents have arrangements in which they share or alternate holidays with an ex-partner. When it is the other parents turn to be with your child on a holiday, you may wind up feeling depressed, sad and blue. This year, take the holiday by the horns and banish those bad feelings. Talk to your child. The first thing you must do to keep the holiday blues at bay is to talk to your child. Make sure your child understands where he or she will be spending the holiday. It can be helpful to mark the plans on a calendar so that the schedule is solid in your child's eyes. Explain that you will miss him/her while he/she is with the other parent on the holiday, but point out that you are happy that he/she will be having fun and want him/her to have a good time. Make plans with your child. Plan out with your child when you will celebrate the holiday together. For example, if your child is spending Christmas Day with the other parent, plan your own Christmas for the day after or for the next weekend. It's not important what you do or when you do it, as long as you plan a way for you and your child to celebrate the holiday together in some way. This will help your child feel confident that both parents are truly a part of his/her life. Keep your sad feelings to yourself. While it is important to be honest with your child, it is equally important that you not burden him or her with the responsibility for your happiness. Do not tell your child that you will be miserable, lonely, in tears or completely depressed while he or she is with the other parent. It is OK to say you will miss him/her, but follow this statement with reassurances that you will be together again soon. Plan some kind of contact with your child on the holiday itself. Plan to call him or her on the phone or even to stop by for a quick hug and kiss on the other parent's front porch. Making contact with your child will not only help your child cope, but will help ease your own feelings of loneliness. Reach out to natural disaster victims. With all of the natural disasters that have happened recently, there will be hundreds of families who would appreciate being invited to share a holiday meal with you. Contact the Red Cross. They'll know where help is needed. Have a humorous gift exchange at your holiday party. Decorate your Christmas tree with a humorous flair. This works great to create a healthy humor climate within the group and helps them view the holidays in a positive way. Start a humorous holiday tradition. Tis the season to be jolly. Decorate your face with a smile and share it with others. Experts warn against the notion that without an idyllic holiday, there is something terribly wrong. The holidays can be joyous if you're alone, or they can be difficult. The truth, however, is that it's all about your attitude. Being alone does not have to mean being lonely.